


Take Me to Church

by dabforpalermo



Series: Gallavich, Told by Hozier [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Homophobic Language, Hozier, M/M, Pre-Slash, conversion camp, gay jesus, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28698402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabforpalermo/pseuds/dabforpalermo
Summary: “There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sinIn the madness and soil of that sad earthly sceneOnly then I am humanOnly then I am clean.”
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich, Told by Hozier [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103633
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Take Me to Church

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy trigger warning for religious themes. I wanted to do something with the Gay Jesus timeline, so here is my 2k word vomit. I am excited to add onto this series!

_ “I like boys.” _

_ Mickey feels the slap connect with his cheek before he can avoid it. His head whips to the left, and one of his small hands comes to cup the side of his face. When he stands up straight and looks at his mom, she has anger in her eyes.  _

_ “You don’t like boys.” _

_ “I do! I don’t like girls.” _

_ She shakes her head, gripping his wrists and glaring at him. “Mikhalio. You do not like boys.” _

_ “I do!” _

_ His mother looks like she wants to hit him again, but instead she sighs, pulling away and grabbing the book off the coffee table. “Come here, Mikhailo.” _

_ He warily moves onto her lap, and together, they read through a few pages of the bible. She tells him about hell, about how men who lie with other men are going to burn for eternity, and Mickey doesn’t understand what she means, he just knows he wants to be able to hold a boy's hand the way he sees couples in public do it.  _

_ Still, she tells him that those who insist on being sinners are going to hell. He may not know exactly what it is, but it doesn’t sound good, so Mickey decides he doesn’t want to be gay anymore.  _

_ The next day, a boy in class with red hair tells him he’s gay. He punches him in the face.  _

_ ***** _

_ “Fi?” _

_ “What’s up, bubs?” _

_ Ian adjusts his grip on her hand as they cross the street, craning his neck to the left and right, just like she taught him. They have recently dropped Lip off at the big elementary school, now they are headed to Ian’s daycare centre. Fiona helps him across the road before swinging her backpack over her shoulder and looking down at the boy.  _

_ “I think I like boys.” _

_ She doesn’t react. Doesn’t stop walking or turn to face him. Fiona hums a little under her breath and quickens her speed as she checks the clock in the window of a nearby store. She has 20 minutes to drop Ian off and get to her middle school 4 blocks down.  _

_ “Why do you say that?” She finally asks.  _

_ “I don’t know,” the 6 year old mumbles. “Lip always tells me about girls he likes in school and I think of Anthony like that.” _

_ Fiona nods a little, exhaling as they reach Ian’s daycare. She decides being late to first period is worth it and crouches down to get on Ian’s level.  _

_ “Alright. That’s okay.” She reaches out and adjusts his shirt, hoping his teacher won’t be able to tell it’s the same one from yesterday. “That’s called being gay. We can talk about it tonight.” _

_ Ian gives her a smile, showing off the missing tooth in the centre of his mouth, then jumps forward and wraps his arms around her shoulders. She hugs him back and moves away, ruffling his hair gently.  _

_ “Have a good day, monkey.” _

_ When he gets inside, he tells the dark haired boy he never talks to that he’s gay. He punches him in the face.  _

_ ***** _

Mickey Milkovich watches the news and he remembers him. He hears about “Gay Jesus”, and in the midst of his anger, he remembers the kid. Ian Gallagher. The two grew up a few blocks away from each other, and went to school with him all his life. 

“This is outrageous.”

Mickey looks toward his father, who’s sprawled out on the couch, sipping on his beer and glaring at the TV. 

“Taking the name of the Lord and dragging it through the mud.”

Mickey nods, unable to think of  _ why  _ he gets that feeling in his stomach when he sees the news recorder pan to the crowd and shows the image of two boys kissing behind Gallagher. 

“Mick,” his father mutters, dragging his eyes away from the scene. “You ever see that shit in public, you put a stop to it. Understand?”

Mickey still feels something in the back of his throat, but instead of bringing it up, he nods, goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer for his dad, then returns back to the couch. 

“I said, do you understand?” Terry’s hand latches around his wrist. Mickey looks down at it, then back to the TV, and takes a breath. 

“Yes, sir.”

He doesn’t think about it for a while. Mickey is almost 21, and to be honest, he should have moved out years ago. But when your father is the most known pastor in the South Side, he preaches about families sticking together, and ever since his mother died, he can’t find it in him to leave. 

Mickey sits down with Mandy one day, after she comes home with lightly concealed bruises on her wrist and leans her head on Mickey’s shoulder and asks him not to say a word. He obeys her, placing his hand on her thigh and turning the TV back to the news channel, where the daily Gay Jesus report is back on. They watch it in silence before Mandy sniffles and shakes her head. 

“I don’t believe in God, Mickey.”

Mickey furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“I can’t. If there is one, why would we be going through this shit?”

“What shit, Mandy?”

Colin and Iggy both had expressed their disinterest in the family religion years ago, and they were promptly banned from stepping foot in the Milkovich house ever again. Mickey was too young to understand, but he didn’t like that his brothers were locked out of the funeral home, banging on the door and screaming about how it was their mother too. Terry had gripped Mickey and Mandy’s shoulders and told them to ignore the noise. Mickey had. 

“Everything.” She turns her face into his hoodie and cries, gripping on his sleeve. “Everything, Mick.”

Mickey slowly moves his hand from her thigh to her back, moving so she’s laying on his chest. He presses a kiss to her forehead and recites the one thing his mom always told him. 

“God will save us, Mandy.”

It only makes her cry harder. 

-

Mickey goes to his father one Friday after crying for 5 hours straight. His dad grabs his wrists and demands he tell him what is wrong, but Mickey can barely stuttered out a sentence in his distress, until he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m sick, dad.”

Terry narrows his eyes and tilts his head. “Sick?”

“I..” Mickey’s breath catches in his throat. “I did something bad. Really bad.”

“What did you do, Mickey?”

“I kissed a boy.”

Terry is quiet, but he lets go of Mickey’s wrists and leans back on his heels. “Why?”

“I don’t know- I just- I had the urge to, and then I did, and-“

Terry throws a punch, one Mickey was at least expecting, so it doesn’t hurt as bad as usual. He feels the blood drip from his eyebrow to his cheekbone and squeezes his eyes shut. 

“You understand why that’s wrong, correct?”

Mickey nods frantically, the motion making his head ache. “Yes! I don’t- I don’t want to be sick.”

Terry looks down at his knuckles and inhales deeply through his nose. “Okay. I can get you some help.”

Mickey wipes at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I want to get better.” 

Terry claps his hand down on Mickey’s shoulder. “I’m glad you came to me. We can fix you.”

Mickey sure hopes so. 

His father finds a conversion camp program at the church a few blocks away from their house. Mickey is ready to go, ready to clear his mind from this, even though Mandy holds onto his hands and tells him there’s nothing wrong with being gay and he’s not sick. Mandy always needs to have a different opinion, and as much as Mickey loves her, he knows he needs to get help. 

Mickey dresses in his best looking suit and his father helps him with his tie and tells him he’s proud of him. Mickey has never heard those words out of Terry’s mouth in his entire life, so that’s another reason to reassure himself that this is the right thing, especially as Mandy curses Terry out before grabbing her suitcase and running out the door. Terry does what he always does, holds onto Mickey and tells him not to listen. Even at 20, he still needs his father, so he ignores Mandy’s yelling and gets into the car with Terry. 

They are attending the kick off ceremony before Mickey will be sent away to receive treatment. There are a few other people in the crowd, many teenagers with shaky legs and nervous looks on their faces. Terry hands him the paper he prepared for him and keeps his arm around the bench behind Mickey. 

He can’t help but feel anxious as the kids go up and confess their problems. One boy, who can’t be older than 12, starts crying as he speaks, and his mother fixes him with a stern look to get him to calm down. Mickey wipes his sweaty hands on his pants and slowly stands, holding the paper tightly in his grip. 

Maybe this isn’t the greatest idea. 

Still, as Mickey starts doubting this, his father gives him a look of approval and nods, so he takes a deep breath and speaks. 

“Hi- uh, my name is Mikhailo. Mickey. Uhm- a few days ago, I was with one of my friends, and.. and I kissed him. And I liked it.”

Mickey glances up from his paper and narrows his eyes at the sight of the door opening. He clears his throat and starts reading. 

“I- this isn’t the first time. I’ve had.. sexual experiences with other boys in the past. I don’t.. I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want help.”

The crowd turns to look as a voice rings out from the door. 

“You don’t need help.”

Mickey quickly looks toward his father, who appears to be seething at the sight of Ian Gallagher, holding a bible and staring down the pastor as he starts speaking. 

“Where, exactly, does the bible clearly state that homosexuality is a sin?”

The pastor stands and glares at Ian, shaking his head. “You are not welcome in this church.”

“But god welcomes everyone, no?” Ian looks around at the crowd, catching Mickey’s eyes and giving him an encouraging smile. “This is a bunch of bullshit. Being gay is not a sickness.”

“Get out, or I will call the authorities and have you taken away.”

“This building is surrounded. The cops can’t get in without force.”

Terry stands, turning to face the redhead. “You need to get the fuck out of here.”

“You need to accept your son for who he really is. There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

Mickey tightens his grip on the paper, his hands shaking. He needs to keep going, or else he will stay sick forever. 

“Hey,” Ian looks at him. “Mickey, is it? I remember you.”

“I don’t-“ Mickey cuts off when Terry turns his hateful stare to him. 

“Do you believe you’re sick?”

The room is quiet, obviously waiting for Mickey’s answer. He lets out a shaky exhale and swallows down the thickness in his throat. “I-I.. it’s a sin.”

“God loves you for you, Mickey. He made you gay for a reason.”

“He’s not fucking gay!” Terry shoves at Ian, who immediately ducks back and throws a punch at his fathers face. Terry falls to the ground and holds his hand to his nose, and right there, the dam breaks. A large group of people rush through the door and start showing the teenagers out, not afraid to fight. Mickey stands dumbly at the stage, breathing heavily as he tries to figure out what he should do. 

Maybe Ian is right. 

Maybe he’s not sick. Maybe he just was meant to be gay, and conversion camp won’t help. He’s been watching nothing but Gay Jesus news for the last few weeks, and what if he’s right?

Mickey jumps when someone stands in front of him. Ian offers him a hand, his eyes soft. 

“I don’t- I need help.”

“No, Mickey. You don’t. It’s not… this isn’t a sickness. Or a sin. God loves you because you’re gay.”

“You don’t know shit,” Mickey mutters. Ian doesn’t react, just keeps his head out steady. 

“If you’re sick, then I’m sick.”

Mickey stares at his hand, chewing down on his bottom lip. He looks over to Terry, who’s in the middle of trying to punch out a 15 year old girl, but turns to glare at him. 

“Don’t do anything fucking stupid, Mick!”

“Look at me.” Ian drags his attention back, keeping his face calm. “Love can’t be wrong,” He whispers. 

“I can’t..”

“Let’s be sick together, Mickey.”

Mickey takes his hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Also, if there are any specific Hozier songs you want me to write about, feel free to request it. I already have the outline for a couple. Hope you all are well :)


End file.
